oops...

Something I find wonderful about walking with Christ, is looking back over the ground we've tread, and seeing what He has lead me through. Usually, we can't see too far forward, which is also wonderful but often frustrating for us humans (trust issues usually) :)

As I look back over these last four years, from when my relationship with God began to take off (at least as far as I could notice...cause God set me apart before I was born Gal 1:15), I see a HUGE mistake that God has been redeeming me from. Like all mistakes, this was a result of my sin. But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Because there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ! (Rom 7-8) Amen.

But here's how I see it. When I was first introduced to really studying God's Word, mining through the passages for those Gospel truths that transform lives via the Holy Spirit, I fell in love. I fell in love with God's Sovereignty, His Power, justification, sanctification, building up the body through encouragement toward godliness, sacrifice, discipline, and so much more! I had been given riches the world seemed to know nothing of! But...through my sinful flesh, I began to love these 'things' and aspects of God apart from their creator and source. The essence of idolatry.

The problem with idolatry, apart from it being a sin our God despises (see commandment I and II of the ten Ex 20), is that as much as you can love an idol, or anything apart from the God who is and made love, it can't sufficiently love you back. You will be disappointed, you'll come up dry, you will not be satisfied! Created things, as much as they may be made in the image of their creator, aren't supposed to be loved (actually they can't be loved 1 John 4:7-21) apart from their creator.

For me these truths from God's Word, these disciplines, this knowledge, changed my life. And rightly so! It freed me from the bondage of the lies I was living in before, and I wanted more! Well, time passes and my pride becomes bigger. I was trusting in the knowledge of God and godly things...but not completely in God, not in His acceptance of me through the blood of his Son...and I began to notice. The pride was apparent. So what does any good Christian do when they find sin? Nip it in the bud! Get it out! Let's get on to holiness people! :) I say this with sarcasm while acknowledging that we MUST passionately fight our flesh and seek holiness by His grace. But anyways, like many Christians, I decided to begin burning the idols...However, it's much easier to tear down an alter to a false God, than it is to tear out the sin in one's heart that lead us to that idol in the first place. I'm not saying I stopped reading the Word, quit praying, quit encouraging...but I became very suspicious of myself, my actions, and all this "knowledge" I had acquired. Anyone who knows me well will verify this. Instead of addressing my heart with God and trusting Him to refocus my heart on to Him (which is what I wanted) I thought I had to get rid of stuff for that to be possible.

There's probably a lot more that could be said about all this and what has been going on in my heart (the pride, the fear, the GRACE! etc), but I'll just end by saying how thankful I am for God's amazing grace and will in my life. Praise Him for teaching me to love Him, so that I'm able to love, use, and serve the things that are from Him.