It's about 4:30am and I've been in a hospital room since midnight. I'm sitting here with a guy named Dave and his mom. It's so obvious that she loves her son.
My prayer is that God would heal Dave and comfort his mother...and that if He blesses me with a family, He would guard my children and wife from disabilities and ill-health.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved..." Ephesians 2:4-5
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Praise!
Praise God for His gracious provision...I've been praying about my finances because of some pretty expensive events coming up, and I just received a large, unexpected amount of money. Thank you, God.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
this is not my home...
My desire and prayer is that God would lift my eye's from this place...in everything I want my hope to be fixed on the cross and what that means for my eternity.
Every time I become anxious about my circumstance or consumed by my present trials or blessings, I'm reminded that I haven't counted all things as loss compared to knowing Christ...I'm reminded of how little I dream of the day when I'll see him face to face and be transformed...I'm reminded that too much of my life isn't spent in worship.
I'm not writing this because I feel discouraged and need to be reminded that this too shall pass...I just want to be consumed in the here and now by the promise of the glory that's going to be revealed to us. I just want to live in light of that through the valley and on mountain top.
Every time I become anxious about my circumstance or consumed by my present trials or blessings, I'm reminded that I haven't counted all things as loss compared to knowing Christ...I'm reminded of how little I dream of the day when I'll see him face to face and be transformed...I'm reminded that too much of my life isn't spent in worship.
I'm not writing this because I feel discouraged and need to be reminded that this too shall pass...I just want to be consumed in the here and now by the promise of the glory that's going to be revealed to us. I just want to live in light of that through the valley and on mountain top.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
trapped
Yesterday I saw a video called La Liberte. It was a short, five minute film about a man stuck in a colorless cell and his journey to freedom. At the time, I felt like I understood the imagery of the film; I immediately thought of Christ and the freedom we receive through His Gospel from our slavery to sin and death, but I can't say I really connected with the trapped man. I was aware of the sin and the lies that I often feel trapped in...but I didn't feel trapped. In fact, I've been feeling more freedom in the current season of my life. And praise God for that.
This morning feels different. Once again, I feel choked by my sin, my pride, my jealousy, my arrogance, my selfishness. Sin is not only crouching at the door...it has barged in, or more likely been invited in, time and time again. I hate it. I'm sick of these all to familiar enemy/friends of mine.
But the truth is I am not trapped...because 'the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.' The Spirit dwells inside of me, and I know He has set me free. So why, why do I continue to feel trapped in my sin? I think I know the answer...but right now, it doesn't feel satisfying.
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." Romans 7:21-23
There is war inside of me. As a son of God in Christ, I am promised no condemnation and no abandonment from my Father, but I am not promised no fight, and I am definitely not promised no pain. But how much more? How much longer? I'm tired of loving myself more than anyone else...and I'm tired of the bitter fruit of my flesh. Every time I want to do right, evil is close at hand...I just want to be pure. I hate that in all the blessings of a life in Christ, I am continually reminded that there is a part of me who hates my Savior, who hates the light, who hates the ones I so desperately want to love. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
I know the answer...It is Christ. He will deliver me. He has delivered me. I am called to stand firm in this freedom He has purchased, and not to submit again to slavery. He will give me the strength, the wisdom, and the ability. Most of all He has given me the grace. It's where I stand.
As I finish this, I've seen the sun begin to rise. I'm reminded, as I should be every morning..."The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
Father, 'Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'
This morning feels different. Once again, I feel choked by my sin, my pride, my jealousy, my arrogance, my selfishness. Sin is not only crouching at the door...it has barged in, or more likely been invited in, time and time again. I hate it. I'm sick of these all to familiar enemy/friends of mine.
But the truth is I am not trapped...because 'the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.' The Spirit dwells inside of me, and I know He has set me free. So why, why do I continue to feel trapped in my sin? I think I know the answer...but right now, it doesn't feel satisfying.
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." Romans 7:21-23
There is war inside of me. As a son of God in Christ, I am promised no condemnation and no abandonment from my Father, but I am not promised no fight, and I am definitely not promised no pain. But how much more? How much longer? I'm tired of loving myself more than anyone else...and I'm tired of the bitter fruit of my flesh. Every time I want to do right, evil is close at hand...I just want to be pure. I hate that in all the blessings of a life in Christ, I am continually reminded that there is a part of me who hates my Savior, who hates the light, who hates the ones I so desperately want to love. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
I know the answer...It is Christ. He will deliver me. He has delivered me. I am called to stand firm in this freedom He has purchased, and not to submit again to slavery. He will give me the strength, the wisdom, and the ability. Most of all He has given me the grace. It's where I stand.
As I finish this, I've seen the sun begin to rise. I'm reminded, as I should be every morning..."The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
Father, 'Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
From: Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones writes,
I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing 'ourselves' to talk to us! Do you realize what that means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man's treatment [in Psalm 42] was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. 'Why art thou cast down, O my soul?' he asked. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: 'Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.'....
The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: 'Why art thou cast down'—what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself,...exhort yourself, and say to yourself: 'Hope thou in God.'
From the sermon where this quote was taken: "Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?"
I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing 'ourselves' to talk to us! Do you realize what that means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man's treatment [in Psalm 42] was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. 'Why art thou cast down, O my soul?' he asked. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: 'Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.'....
The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: 'Why art thou cast down'—what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself,...exhort yourself, and say to yourself: 'Hope thou in God.'
From the sermon where this quote was taken: "Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?"
Monday, January 4, 2010
Internal Thoughts
From Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change (P&R, 2002) by Paul Tripp
I find myself saying it all the time. When people hear it they laugh, but actually I'm being quite serious when I say it. Here it is. No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You're in an unending conversation with yourself. You're talking to yourself all the time, interpreting, organizing, and analyzing what's going on inside you and around you.
You may be talking to yourself about why you feel so tired. Or maybe you woke up this morning with a sense of dread and you're not sure why....Perhaps you're reliving a conversation that didn't go too well. Or maybe [you're] preparing yourself for a conversation that may be difficult by conjuring up as many renditions as you can imagine, so you can cover all the contingencies. Maybe your mind has traveled back to your distant past and, for reasons you don't understand, you're recalling events from your early childhood....
The point is that you are constantly involved in an internal conversation that greatly influences the things you decide, say, and do....
What do you regularly tell yourself about yourself, God, and your circumstances? Do your words to you encourage faith, hope, and courage? Or do they stimulate doubt, discouragement, and fear? Do you remind yourself that God is near, or do you reason within yourself, given your circumstances, that he must be distant? Do you encourage yourself to run to God even when you don't understand what he's doing? Or do you give yourself permission to back away from him when you are confused by the seeming distance between what he's promised and what you're experiencing?....When others talk to you, is your internal conversation so loud that it's hard to concentrate on what they're saying?
Here's the question. How wholesome, faith-driven, and Christ-centered is the conversation that you have with you every day?
I find myself saying it all the time. When people hear it they laugh, but actually I'm being quite serious when I say it. Here it is. No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You're in an unending conversation with yourself. You're talking to yourself all the time, interpreting, organizing, and analyzing what's going on inside you and around you.
You may be talking to yourself about why you feel so tired. Or maybe you woke up this morning with a sense of dread and you're not sure why....Perhaps you're reliving a conversation that didn't go too well. Or maybe [you're] preparing yourself for a conversation that may be difficult by conjuring up as many renditions as you can imagine, so you can cover all the contingencies. Maybe your mind has traveled back to your distant past and, for reasons you don't understand, you're recalling events from your early childhood....
The point is that you are constantly involved in an internal conversation that greatly influences the things you decide, say, and do....
What do you regularly tell yourself about yourself, God, and your circumstances? Do your words to you encourage faith, hope, and courage? Or do they stimulate doubt, discouragement, and fear? Do you remind yourself that God is near, or do you reason within yourself, given your circumstances, that he must be distant? Do you encourage yourself to run to God even when you don't understand what he's doing? Or do you give yourself permission to back away from him when you are confused by the seeming distance between what he's promised and what you're experiencing?....When others talk to you, is your internal conversation so loud that it's hard to concentrate on what they're saying?
Here's the question. How wholesome, faith-driven, and Christ-centered is the conversation that you have with you every day?
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