trapped

Yesterday I saw a video called La Liberte. It was a short, five minute film about a man stuck in a colorless cell and his journey to freedom. At the time, I felt like I understood the imagery of the film; I immediately thought of Christ and the freedom we receive through His Gospel from our slavery to sin and death, but I can't say I really connected with the trapped man. I was aware of the sin and the lies that I often feel trapped in...but I didn't feel trapped. In fact, I've been feeling more freedom in the current season of my life. And praise God for that.
This morning feels different. Once again, I feel choked by my sin, my pride, my jealousy, my arrogance, my selfishness. Sin is not only crouching at the door...it has barged in, or more likely been invited in, time and time again. I hate it. I'm sick of these all to familiar enemy/friends of mine.
But the truth is I am not trapped...because 'the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.' The Spirit dwells inside of me, and I know He has set me free. So why, why do I continue to feel trapped in my sin? I think I know the answer...but right now, it doesn't feel satisfying.
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." Romans 7:21-23
There is war inside of me. As a son of God in Christ, I am promised no condemnation and no abandonment from my Father, but I am not promised no fight, and I am definitely not promised no pain. But how much more? How much longer? I'm tired of loving myself more than anyone else...and I'm tired of the bitter fruit of my flesh. Every time I want to do right, evil is close at hand...I just want to be pure. I hate that in all the blessings of a life in Christ, I am continually reminded that there is a part of me who hates my Savior, who hates the light, who hates the ones I so desperately want to love. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?

I know the answer...It is Christ. He will deliver me. He has delivered me. I am called to stand firm in this freedom He has purchased, and not to submit again to slavery. He will give me the strength, the wisdom, and the ability. Most of all He has given me the grace. It's where I stand.
As I finish this, I've seen the sun begin to rise. I'm reminded, as I should be every morning..."The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Father, 'Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.'